Updated: Jan 4, 2021
4 months today and I miss him more than I ever thought was possible. Every. Single. Day. His love, his kindness, his company, his friendship, his HUGS oh my how I miss his HUGS. I miss all that made him the most special human being in my world. My heart aches...
Looking back over the last 20 years, I realise that we ‘grew up’ together. First as friends throughout our twenties, then as a couple through our thirties and early forties. Some days go by when the happy memories of those times that we shared are very present, they make me smile and I feel thankful to have spent that time with him. Other days are so hard that my heart physically hurts. On those days, the trauma of what I experienced while caring for him is etched in my memory, especially in his last weeks and days, the pain is so acute it makes it hard to breathe.
It has been a surreal few months for obvious lockdown reasons, but I am glad for the support and love I have around me, it has helped hold me together. Rich loved this time of year, so in his honour I went to visit his parents on Christmas day. We sat outside (thanks Covid) wrapped in blankets and talked about our memories of him. It is comforting to be able to do so with his family. His memory will live on through us all.
His brother Phil set up a group to raise funds for Bowel Cancer UK, the charity for which Rich was the poster boy! DecemBEARD is about raising funds for a wonderful charity that helped support us through Rich’s illness. If you want to find out more or to contribute, this is the link. They have already raise over £22'000!
I have been introduced to another charity recently, one that is helping me with the loss of my husband. Its called Widowed And Young - WAY. And it is full of people who, like me, have lost their other half at a young age. There is a lot of support and understanding. I have found that there are certain things about caring for a partner who is dying that you have to have experienced in order to understand. This group is there for exactly that and I am grateful to have found it.
I hope you are all well and keeping warm.
Wishing you all a happy and healthy New Year.